Expert Alert: Relationships, Valentine’s Day, and the state of love in 2026
Expert Alert: Relationships, Valentine’s Day, and the state of love in 2026
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Article Intro Q&A with Dr. Ashley E. Thompson on relationships and what trends may shape how people connect—on Valentine’s Day and throughout 2026.
Valentine’s Day is Feb. 14, and people across the country and around the world will mark the day with chocolates, flowers, and other expressions of affection. While the modern holiday is often associated with those greeting cards, candy hearts, and roses, its enduring appeal reflects something deeper: the human desire for connection, relationships, and love. It’s a timely topic for Ashley E. Thompson, PhD, associate professor of psychology in the College of Education and Human Services Professions at the University of Minnesota Duluth. Thompson’s research advances understanding of sexuality, stigma, and relationships through innovative, collaborative work that bridges science, practice, and public conversation. We spoke with Dr. Thompson about the top questions she receives around relationships and what trends may shape how people connect—on Valentine’s Day and throughout 2026. Q&A on relationships, Valentine’s Day, and the state of love in 2026 with Dr. Ashley Thompson Q: What dating and relationship trends do you anticipate in 2026, and how do they reflect broader shifts in how people form, maintain, and think about romantic connections? A: “One major dating trend I expect to see in 2026 is a growing disconnect between how people are currently dating and how they want to be dating. More people than ever are using dating apps to meet romantic partners, but that convenience is coming at a cost. Many daters are experiencing dating burnout (e.g., a sense of emotional and mental exhaustion tied to app-based dating). This burnout often shows up as frustration, cynicism, self-presentation fatigue, and (for some), a desire to step away from dating altogether. Endless swiping, too many choices, ghosting, and the pressure to constantly market oneself can make dating feel more like a chore than a connection. In response, some of my qualitative work suggests that many people are “looking backward to move forward.” We’re seeing a renewed interest in meeting partners “the old-fashioned way,” through everyday, real-world interactions at places like grocery stores, parks, coffee shops, or sporting events. These “meet-cutes” feel more authentic and less draining than app-based interactions, offering a break from the exhaustion that often accompanies online dating. As long as dating apps continue to contribute to burnout, I expect this preference for real-world, organic connections to grow. More broadly, this shift reflects a desire for dating experiences that feel slower, more intentional, and emotionally sustainable – prioritizing quality and authenticity over access and endless options.” Q: Around Valentine’s Day, many people reflect on what love means to them. How do beliefs about 'soulmates' versus 'growth-based' love shape how people navigate relationship transitions, endings, and new beginnings? A: “Valentine’s Day has a way of making people think about love (especially if they’re single or coming out of a breakup). And that’s not surprising. Breakups are often described as one of the most “emotionally painful experiences” people go through, and holidays centered on romance can amplify those feelings. One thing that shapes how people cope during these moments is their underlying beliefs about love. Some people lean toward “soulmate” or destiny beliefs, while others hold more growth-based beliefs about relationships. People with “soulmate beliefs” tend to see relationships as either right or wrong. When a relationship ends, they’re more likely to think, “This wasn’t my person,” which can actually make it easier to let go. Our research (published in the journal Personal Relationships) finds that these individuals are less likely to stay in contact with an ex or keep tabs on them, and more likely to move forward without repeatedly reopening that door. People with “growth-based beliefs,” on the other hand, see relationships as something you build through effort. Although that mindset can be great when a relationship is working, it can make breakups messier. These individuals are more prone to the “boomerang effect” of going back to an ex or staying emotionally attached because they worry they didn’t try hard enough or gave up too soon. Around Valentine’s Day, these beliefs can really matter. They shape how people make sense of endings and how ready they feel for new beginnings. Neither mindset is right or wrong. However, understanding one’s own approach to relationships can help explain why this time of year feels easier for some people and harder for others.” Q: What are some of the biggest stressors for couples today, and what are the warning signs of relationship burnout? A: “One of the biggest stressors facing couples today is simply how much we now expect romantic relationships to do for us. Decades ago, partners were expected to provide love, companionship, and maybe financial or family stability. Today, as Eli Finkel famously argues in The All-or-Nothing Marriage, romantic partners are expected to be everything: best friend, emotional support system, source of personal growth, co-parent, therapist, and purpose-giver (all at once). That’s an enormous amount of pressure for any one relationship to carry. In my recent research published in Behavioral Sciences, I developed a scale designed to capture romantic relationship burnout more precisely. The scale includes two distinct components. One subscale assesses feelings of burnout and emotional exhaustion within the relationship, things like feeling drained, overwhelmed, or worn down by ongoing relational demands. The second subscale focuses on the perceived resources people have to cope with or buffer against that burnout, such as support, coping capacity, and relational tools that help partners manage stress. What this work highlights is that burnout doesn’t emerge simply because relationships are hard. It’s especially likely to occur when relational demands outpace the resources people feel they have available. Some partners feel exhausted because their needs aren’t being met; others feel exhausted because they believe they can’t meet their partner’s needs (and often, it’s both). Warning signs of relationship burnout can include chronic emotional fatigue, feeling detached or numb, irritability, reduced motivation to invest in the relationship, and a sense of “going through the motions” rather than feeling engaged. Crucially, burnout is not the same as falling out of love. Rather, it’s often a signal that the relationship is under-resourced relative to the expectations placed on it. The broader takeaway is that as expectations of romantic partners continue to rise, couples may need more support. That support isn’t just about communicating better, it’s also about setting realistic expectations and having access to resources that help intimacy feel sustainable instead of draining.” Q: What’s one research‑backed idea for making Valentine’s Day feel more meaningful—regardless of relationship status? A: “One research-backed way to make Valentine’s Day feel more meaningful is to shift the focus from relationship outcomes to everyday connection. Our work on burnout, breakups, and meet-cutes suggests that pressure to find, fix, or prove romantic love often makes this holiday harder than it needs to be. Instead, try prioritizing low-stakes, real-world connection, like being present, engaging offline, or sharing a genuine moment with someone. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about having the “right” relationship. Rather, it can be about practicing connection in ways that feel human, manageable, and meaningful. In other words, love doesn’t have to be big or perfect to be meaningful…sometimes it just has to be real.”
About Ashley Thompson Dr. Ashley E. Thompson is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Minnesota Duluth, where she directs the Sexuality and Relationship Science Lab. Her research aims to illuminate how stigma and social perception influence sexual health and relationships, translating these insights into strategies that promote equity, inclusion, and well-being. Specifically, Thompson examines how social rules, stigma, and interpersonal cognition shape sexual and relational lives, focusing on two interrelated domains: reducing inequities and stigma surrounding gender, sexual, and relationship diversity, and understanding the cognitions, emotions, and outcomes that drive infidelity and other boundary-crossing behaviors. Across these lines of inquiry, she employs experimental, psychometric, and community-based approaches to generate research that meaningfully connects science to lived experience. Thompson has authored over 50 peer-reviewed publications, multiple book chapters, and more than 90 conference presentations, and her work has been featured in outlets such as The New York Times, BBC, Men’s Health, Forbes, and Psychology Today. Her research is characterized by extensive collaboration across academic, clinical, and industry settings, including ongoing partnerships with the Minnesota Sex Offender Program (MSOP), Ashley Madison, 3Fun, and the CDC. Contact: Ashley Thompson, PhD Associate Professor of Psychology & director of the Sexuality and Relationship Science Lab University of Minnesota Duluth thompsoa@d.umn.edu | (218) 726-6163 Header image: Dr. Ashley Thompson is an expert on relationships and sexuality, and can provide expertise for a variety of different kinds of media. Tags Expert Alert News Release CEHSP College of Education and Human Service Professions Psychology